He has gone. Thank you all for your prayers.

He has gone. Thank you all.

On May 4, 2012, my dearest grandpa passed away.

On May 3th. Night, I went to see my grandpa with my parents as usual. He was sleeping, or rather, in coma. My mom tried to wake him up by talking to and pushing him but he did not reply. After helping my aunt and uncle with other devices, we went home.

I went to bed in the late 12 o’clock. After the prayer time I laid on bed, could not help but thinking the days we have spent together. I still remember I prayed to God to give him the chance to be a believer. Then my mind went into a scene which shows that---before I went to the U.S., I went to his home and had conversation with him; he told me to be polite and he even taught me how to cook so as to show my thankfulness to my host family. He was always the source of wisdom for me. I still remember when I rode my bike and left, he stood besides the door and saw me off. I just could not believe this would be the last scene we have. I THOUGHT WE CAN GET TOGETHER AGAIN AND I CAN SHOW HIM AND EXPLIAN TO HIM THE PHOTOS I TOOK IN THE U.S. AND SHARE THE GOSPEL WITH HIM. I WANNA HEAR HIS INSTRUCTION AGAIN.

But I did not get the chance.

Upon remembering this scene, I cried seriously on my bed. Almost at the same time, the phone rang. I sensed a sense of ill omen. It was my aunt, she ask us to go to grandpa’s home ASAP, for his heart was beating really slow. It was raining cats and dogs and despite all of this, my family rushed to his home like crazy. I rode my bike as fast as my mom’s scooter and because of the murky glasses I cannot see the road clearly, my legs became numb. I did not care about that at all.

When we arrived at around 1:45a.m., I saw my grandpa’s skin has turned white and it was the first time for me to face death. I was not scared nor did I faint, instead, I just followed every instruction the elders given to me. I dare not to face the truth. My uncle kept squeezing the substitute of ventilator. No one wants to face the reality. REALITY BITES.

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Then were the rituals and other stuff which I am too tired to mention.

There were so many things happened today, as if the whole day in a whole year.

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As soon as he passed away, I kept praying to God that please took him to YOUR place! I am sad not only because of his leaving, but also the uncertainty of whether he has accepted God and now is in heaven or not.

To be frank, I had some doubts and unhappiness with God. I kept asking him why and I can feel that the verses were not appealing to me any longer. When I had a busy day and was about to go home, a Christian sister who I has lost touch with for a long time called me. At first I did not what to answer the phone, for it was a strange number. But thankfully I did. She did not know anything about this MISSION POSSIBLE and she just asked me how my day was. I wanted to finish the call as quick as possible thus I told her my grandpa has passed away and I am in blue. She comforted me with “sorry to hear that…etc.” Furthermore, she kept asking me, “how is your spending time with the Bible?” I was annoyed and I told her my doubts, then, she comforted me with exactly what I having been looking for!!! How amazing it is!! Isn’t it God? He saw my sadness and he sent someone to help me!!! This sister told me many things and here I want to share one most important thing: When something happens in your life, do not first react in this way: WHY? DID YOU HEAR MY PRAYERS? We should react like this: To pray, to look inside ourselves and find improvements---Why is this happening? Maybe God wants us to change in some ways!

Mighty God, I won’t turn from YOU.

I need to get some sleep now. I haven’t sleep for 2 days.

Thank you for all the prayers. I WILL STILL WORK ON MY FAMILY’S SALVATION; and even all the people I know.

He is home yesterday.

The big family forced my mom to give up treatment, even though the doctors have not given up. My mom told me that probably the reason why they don’t want to continue is because of the budget. They all earn very little and their children either need to get marry or buy houses.

Yesterday we took turns to take care of him. Everyone was all thumbs. Last night was my aunt’s and mom’s turn. They did not sleep. Besides, since they need to squeeze a special device as a substitute of the ventilator, their thumbs all raised blisters. Still, my grandpa was conscious until today and yesterday he still can write and answer.

However, my grandpa has slept all day today. My mom consulted with his doctors and they all suggest us to take him to the hospital specialized in lung instead of doing treatments at home. My mom told this fact to the family but no one agree with her, except my oldest aunt. I THINK THEY ARE KILLERS! MURDERS!! Now my mom cannot help but crying and she kept saying that: “He is conscious! Last night when we took care of him, he kept staring at us with loving eyes. I don’t think he wants to die! I don’t want to be siblings with the family any more! They are so selfish!”

I don’t know what to do and I can’t do anything either. Besides my mom, the big family consists of 1 uncle, 2 aunts and their correspondent families. They all have big families as well and they all DISAGREE TO DO FURTHER TREATMENT. They think everyone has fate and their father is old enough to die. They need to save money for their children, the future generation.

Lord, please tell me your will. Why you kept silent? The world is so hopeless and everyone is so selfish and short-sighted, no wonder they are not Christians. I don’t want mom cry…

In China we have a lullaby goes like this: “ride, ride, ride your boat to your grandma’s home…”. We all call the house of our grandparents’ as “grandma’s home”. Yet, when my grandma passed away I changed it into “grandpa’s home” to avoid nostalgia. These days I kept thinking, if my grandpa passed away, how should I call the house? “A house of empty.”

Yesterday when my cousins came to see my grandpa, they all cried. Since I have seem my grandpa much often than they do and I don’t want to let my grandpa cry with me, I tried my best to control my feelings not to weep. But when they all gone, I glanced around the house and saw the shell wind-bell I sent to my grandpa as a present from Yantai. My grandpa is a person who rarely shows his emotions and I thought he might not took my present seriously. But, He hung the bell in the middle of the roof, which means he really cared. Upon seeing this, a gush of tears came out.

God, where is the light? Is it you that harden my relatives hearts? If not, please save us!