He is home yesterday.

The big family forced my mom to give up treatment, even though the doctors have not given up. My mom told me that probably the reason why they don’t want to continue is because of the budget. They all earn very little and their children either need to get marry or buy houses.

Yesterday we took turns to take care of him. Everyone was all thumbs. Last night was my aunt’s and mom’s turn. They did not sleep. Besides, since they need to squeeze a special device as a substitute of the ventilator, their thumbs all raised blisters. Still, my grandpa was conscious until today and yesterday he still can write and answer.

However, my grandpa has slept all day today. My mom consulted with his doctors and they all suggest us to take him to the hospital specialized in lung instead of doing treatments at home. My mom told this fact to the family but no one agree with her, except my oldest aunt. I THINK THEY ARE KILLERS! MURDERS!! Now my mom cannot help but crying and she kept saying that: “He is conscious! Last night when we took care of him, he kept staring at us with loving eyes. I don’t think he wants to die! I don’t want to be siblings with the family any more! They are so selfish!”

I don’t know what to do and I can’t do anything either. Besides my mom, the big family consists of 1 uncle, 2 aunts and their correspondent families. They all have big families as well and they all DISAGREE TO DO FURTHER TREATMENT. They think everyone has fate and their father is old enough to die. They need to save money for their children, the future generation.

Lord, please tell me your will. Why you kept silent? The world is so hopeless and everyone is so selfish and short-sighted, no wonder they are not Christians. I don’t want mom cry…

In China we have a lullaby goes like this: “ride, ride, ride your boat to your grandma’s home…”. We all call the house of our grandparents’ as “grandma’s home”. Yet, when my grandma passed away I changed it into “grandpa’s home” to avoid nostalgia. These days I kept thinking, if my grandpa passed away, how should I call the house? “A house of empty.”

Yesterday when my cousins came to see my grandpa, they all cried. Since I have seem my grandpa much often than they do and I don’t want to let my grandpa cry with me, I tried my best to control my feelings not to weep. But when they all gone, I glanced around the house and saw the shell wind-bell I sent to my grandpa as a present from Yantai. My grandpa is a person who rarely shows his emotions and I thought he might not took my present seriously. But, He hung the bell in the middle of the roof, which means he really cared. Upon seeing this, a gush of tears came out.

God, where is the light? Is it you that harden my relatives hearts? If not, please save us!