How great is our God! --- My story with God---He is always walking with me.

Those who sow in tears will reap with songs of joy. 

---Palms 126:5

Those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.

---Isaiah 40:31

Today I received the best birthday present for 2013. I got the official acceptance letter from University of Memphis, Master of Speech-Language Pathology program. According to the letter, their speech program is one of the best in the U.S. (TOP 15). Meanwhile, my academic director is the director of the Social Interaction Lab, the coordinator of the Phonetics Lab, and the collaborator in the Speech Science, Infant Vocalization, and Bilingualism Labs. I am looking forward to furthering my study in this school, since all of these research areas can make a great difference in the lives of special needs children. God, you are so good!

As what I have always been reminded, I am very thankful that God revealed his vision to me at such an early age. Besides joy and peace,I have gone through doubts, fears and distress, and I know I will continue to face more obstacles. But I have gained trust instead of fears, for God has prepared me and I know I am constructed for something great and awesome.

Before I share my testimony, I appeal to you to pray for my parents’ salvation, my father’s sickness (cervical spondylotic myelopathy), and my tuition fee for the master degree. As for the master tuition fee (Because I will be studying three semesters a year, so the tuition fee is $35000 for only 1 year, not including living expenses. I need to study for 2 full years), I am very thankful that I have such supportive parents. They have no idea of what am I going to study and what can I do as a speech pathologist (we have never heard of this career in China), but they said they will try their best to support me to follow my passion and dream. They are planning to put the apartment on mortgage so as to pay for my studies.----But I don’t want them to sacrifice so much for me---They have worked their whole life just to earn this apartment. And it will be a huge debt. Pls pray for me!! Thank you. God will make a way. I believe it!!

MY CALLING, PASSION, AND VISION.

I have long been an active volunteer of Bring Me Hope, a Christian-led care organization that changes lives through summer camps for Chinese orphans. In Feb. 2012, through God’s grace and His provision, I had a chance to visit California and had Bible training for three weeks. After I came back from the States, I felt strongly that G wants me to devote my life for children with special needs (I have had this thought after years of volunteering not only for BMH but for the University Volunteer Association). But I did not know in which specific area. So I kept working hard on school work, kept volunteering and kept taking part-time jobs to support my family. A desire to study special education or speech pathology in the U.S. rose, when I was doing research with one of my professors. I was not sure about this big step. After numerous talks with my Christian mentors, I started to prepare for all kinds of exams and materials to go to grad school in America. But one obstacle appeared soon after that. Because of some policies, there are many limitations for an International student to be admitted, got scholarships, and be licensed as a special education teacher in the U.S. I was very frustrated until one day I have a online conference with C university. I found out speech pathology really fits my talent (I LOVE languages), passion and interests (I LOVE working for special needs children). Meanwhile, the volunteer association I worked for won the “Caring For China---Google China Social Innovation Cup” again! So I started checking three hundreds of grad schools in the U.S. after days of prayers and trust, and despite of all the obstacles: I don’t have money to go to grad school, most Chinese people have NEVER heard of speech therapy, and the competition is fierce even among native students.

I have had a vision for special needs children for a long time. I hope one day I can set up a foundation, holding training camps which are full of songs of joy and love from God. In the camp the kids would learn to find their interests and talents. I will invite volunteers to join the camp with their spiritual gifts, and give different kinds of classes and activities to children with various special needs. Thus, the blinds won’t always have to be masseurs, and children who cannot speak will be able to express their love of this beautiful life.

Another indicator of HIS calling ---my current job as a special education teacher in an American-found orphanage.

After 8 months I finally finished the application. I took the GRE tests, passed the National post-grad entrance examination, conducted three academic researches, and financially supported myself by having three part-time jobs. When it was time for me to leave Y and go back to F, I felt sad, thinking about not having fellowship, no place to serve children (I am very familiar with the kids in Y orphanage). HOWEVER, God helped me again. He heard our prayers. Three friends told me they want to volunteer in a warmer place after their summit in Thailand, and they found an orphanage in F! I STUDIED their website right after I got this news. And I love it!!!

As soon as I arrived home, I went to the orphanage, at first just thinking of volunteering on weekends. But by God’s grace, I was invited to work there, and most importantly, I have fallen in love with these children. I believed that’s totally from God, so I stayed here, working full-time. I teach children with severe communication disorders, such as autism, cp, Down syndrome, and cleft-palate.

Working at this orphanage is a God-blessed experience for me. It reaffirmed my calling and passion. The more I teach, the stronger I feel I need to gain some formal training so as to help them more effectively. AND just last week I was informed that I got admitted by the university of Memphis and New Mexico State U, speech pathology program! I have received 6 rej letters and I did not have any hope in going to grad school. As I checked the website of U of Memphis, I saw their motto: “Dreamers. Thinkers. Doers”. God just made me cry again! He works in a miracle way! I have never thought of being admitted by the U Memphis, since it is so highly ranked and so…unknown in China. God just picked a right one for me!! A cheaper but better one! 

To be continued…

The story of me working at the orphanage will go on…and the story of how God provides me money to go to graduate school will begin. I trust our Lord. Last Sunday I set myself crying freely in God’s greatness. As I was listening to “How great is our God”, I remembered how my parents support me even when they don’t understand; I remembered all the days I worked so hard at school; I remembered my Christian family in Y; and I was thinking about how great and big his purpose for me is. I don’t know where and what I will be, and I wept while thinking leaving my parents at home, unsaved. I could give everything, but I cannot afford this…

Thank you for reading this LONG story. I hope someday my dream can come true. And I also hope my parents can be saved soon. My mom is a brilliant tailor, she can make many crafts and clothes. How wonderful it will be if she would join, and using her skills to do God’s work.

How great is our GOD, I want to sing your name forever.

“The LORD is my strength! He makes me as surefooted as a deer, able to tread upon the heights. ---Habakkuk 3:19”

"You guide me with Your counsel, leading me to a glorious destiny. --Psalm 73:24"

Edited on April 3th.: It turns out that I really need to trust God to provide me the money. I am getting out of the boat, and trying to walk on water. This is another huge step I am taking. Here I hope you can help me both spiritually and financially, if you feel like God is telling you to. You can donate here:

Hope you can join me in this life-changing journey.
Thank you.

My recent updates and prayer requests---from a letter to my Christian mentors.

Dear family in Christ,

How are you? There have been a lot of things happened in your life, I miss you two so much! There were A LOT of things going on in my life, too. Finally I got time and mood to sit down and write you a long letter. I am sorry that I did not do it earlier.

I will not be an assistant speech pathologist in the Hidden Treasures Home, but I will be a special education teacher and self-study Speech Therapy in my free time! This is because the ONLY speech pathologist in the orphanage is the female director, and she is super busy: the leader, mother of eight children, and she is pursuing her doctor degree. Thus, she will provide me materials to study, and I can ask questions when she is available. When she told me this, I was a bit confused. Is this G0d’s will? I kept asking myself. I think I have excluded that HE wants me to do special education, so I applied for speech pathology last year. I don’t know. But up till now, I LOVE working in that BIG Christian Family. And working with those special-needs children MAY add to my future career if I want to be a speech pathologist. I DON’T KNOW. Why HE doesn't show me his purpose clearer? It is like HE put something that I have thought that is not his Purpose to my life again. A detour?

The three girls’ journey at my home was great! My parents love them and miss them. What amazed me most was that, we got to SHARE our faith with my parents! Oh, my Lord, you are so amazing! My parents asked them why they came to China, and why they want to volunteer. They said it is because of their FATHER. As the translator, I was bold enough to share my faith with them too. It was my first time. And I got to know my parents more. It turned out that my mom is a woman with compassion, too. She LOVES to help others. But she told us that this can only be a habit. “We still need to survive, to earn bread.” (As a talented tailor, she only earns 10-20RMB a day just because she doesn't want to charge those poor people). My father is so hardworking and loving. He kept saying: “your faith is so much better than our faith. We pray because we want to get something. But you pray for other people’s sake.” I wept again and again that night. I thank G--------d that I have these awesome parents. I pray hard that they can be saved SOON. They need HIM!!!

As for my father’s sickness and my salary, one night I told my parents and the three girls that I will earn 2500RMB a month there, no national holidays, no bonus, neither insurance. My mom said nothing but signed. Later, she pulled out my Dad’s X-ray picture, showed it to my friends and me. She said: “It is not because I am greedy that I want her to get a better job and earn more. We need money. Her dad is diagnosed with severe cervical spondylotic myelopathy and he needs surgery sooner or later. But he is the only source of income and when he does the surgery, he won’t be able to work for at least half a year. And if anything worse happens, we don’t know what to do. I cried again. It seems like I work so hard for the needed people, but I forgot my parents…who is also in need.

Oh, this is indeed a LONG email. How I miss the days when I sit in front of you and shared my feelings and doubts. I miss you. But we all need to move on. I am so thankful that G---d is with me from the beginning to the end. I wish all is well, and pls keep in touch with me!!!

BTW, CAN I HAVE YOUR BREAD RECIPE? I want to make nutritious bread for my parents. I have got an oven!

LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE

JOJO

p.s. I got a rejection letter from NYU last Friday. And another rej letter from Peking University is probably on its way. :(((((

My vision=My dream=God's purpose FOR me.

Yesterday I had a talk with Uncle Mike over lunch. I shared him what I want to be in the future, that is, my vision from God. I have being seeking His purpose for years and finally I thought this is what God wants me to do.

First of all, I think every child with special need has different kinds of dreams for their future. Take the blind children I have been working with as an example. Though conversations we as volunteers knew that they are talented and not all of them want to be a massagist. Besides, we taught them and gave them chances to show their talent---instruments, poetry reading, singing, dancing etc. each week. They loved our lessons and had a lot of fun! From this example what I want to express is that children are young and they need someone to show them guidance. When we were young, our parents were the ones who taught us what we can be in the future. However, as for those blind children I worked with, no one has showed them way. All the people around them simply want to kindergarten them; let them survive instead of to live a life.

As for my vision, I want to pursuit my postgraduate in either special education or speech pathology. I want to make a difference, even if I can only influence one individual. I wish I can work in the U.S., learn more professional knowledge and gain experience. Most importantly, I will raise money for special need kids and invest a school in China that practice inclusive education. Besides, I wish I can organize a summer camp which not only provide children with interesting activities but also teach them how to play instruments and other kinds of arts, such as poetry reading, singing, dancing etc.

This dream would be hard, but as long as I am walking in His path, I will make it.

I began this article and finished it after 2 days; thus my idea is not as sequence. But I wish I have expressed it clearly and this is a record that I want to review in a few years.

My first "busiest" working day of BMH as a staff.

Just some short updates, I will update more when I have free time:

I arrived the Yantai Camp on July 4th with May, carrying part of the things we need. Then Daniel arrived and we did some shopping, rent a computer, got drinking machine, reorganized the office, etc. Besides all these, life is not all that busy. We are just waiting for all our other stuff to arrive. However, on July 6th. We got the news from Anna that we can’t have access to all our camp stuff which we put them in a man’s storage room last year. SO WE NEED TO START OUR PLAN B!!! After all sorts of preparation, Meghan, Becca, Lemon, Lemon’s sister, two American volunteers and I went out to hunt for mats, pillows, towels, quilts, bedding cloth, toys…to name just a few!!! By the way, we did not carry much cash with us…so…

Anyway, since our team is so organized and united and May has done some other shopping in downtown Yantai, finally we got everything ready for the camp!

This camp is already exciting at the beginning!

Life goes on.

Hi friends, long time no see!

It has been a while after my grandpa's death that I did not post any updates. I was recovering from the loss and I think I have grown more in Christ. Thank all the people I know who prayed for me, shared with me and care about me. Thank you.

During the pass months many things happened: I went back school for graduate thesis defense and got an "excellent", my thesis is about to be published; my mom is having hard time dealing with her siblings about the up-in-the-air heritage; my father is still in sickness and sadness; I graduated from University, with no job and many pressures from other family members except my parents; I saw all my beloved foreign teachers off; I rent a room with my friend, preparing for the postgraduate exams...And now, I am in BRING ME HOPE CAMP as a staff!!

As for the latest plan, I have been working on the application of the master degree about special education or speech pathology in the U.S. I think this is what God wants me to do in the future. At the same time, I am preparing for the Chinese national postgraduate entrance exam as a backup option. Last year I applied for Peking University and I was 29 scores less than their criterion. Since my family cannot afford the high tuition fee even if I got admitted by any of the U.S. universities, I need to find a school that offers special education degree and scholarships! Sounds like a lot of jobs, right? Don't worry. Although I am busy, I don't feel very exhausted because God is the one who strengthens me.


Life goes on and------
Let's see what God will work out for me!

He has gone. Thank you all for your prayers.

He has gone. Thank you all.

On May 4, 2012, my dearest grandpa passed away.

On May 3th. Night, I went to see my grandpa with my parents as usual. He was sleeping, or rather, in coma. My mom tried to wake him up by talking to and pushing him but he did not reply. After helping my aunt and uncle with other devices, we went home.

I went to bed in the late 12 o’clock. After the prayer time I laid on bed, could not help but thinking the days we have spent together. I still remember I prayed to God to give him the chance to be a believer. Then my mind went into a scene which shows that---before I went to the U.S., I went to his home and had conversation with him; he told me to be polite and he even taught me how to cook so as to show my thankfulness to my host family. He was always the source of wisdom for me. I still remember when I rode my bike and left, he stood besides the door and saw me off. I just could not believe this would be the last scene we have. I THOUGHT WE CAN GET TOGETHER AGAIN AND I CAN SHOW HIM AND EXPLIAN TO HIM THE PHOTOS I TOOK IN THE U.S. AND SHARE THE GOSPEL WITH HIM. I WANNA HEAR HIS INSTRUCTION AGAIN.

But I did not get the chance.

Upon remembering this scene, I cried seriously on my bed. Almost at the same time, the phone rang. I sensed a sense of ill omen. It was my aunt, she ask us to go to grandpa’s home ASAP, for his heart was beating really slow. It was raining cats and dogs and despite all of this, my family rushed to his home like crazy. I rode my bike as fast as my mom’s scooter and because of the murky glasses I cannot see the road clearly, my legs became numb. I did not care about that at all.

When we arrived at around 1:45a.m., I saw my grandpa’s skin has turned white and it was the first time for me to face death. I was not scared nor did I faint, instead, I just followed every instruction the elders given to me. I dare not to face the truth. My uncle kept squeezing the substitute of ventilator. No one wants to face the reality. REALITY BITES.

------------------------

Then were the rituals and other stuff which I am too tired to mention.

There were so many things happened today, as if the whole day in a whole year.

-----------------------

As soon as he passed away, I kept praying to God that please took him to YOUR place! I am sad not only because of his leaving, but also the uncertainty of whether he has accepted God and now is in heaven or not.

To be frank, I had some doubts and unhappiness with God. I kept asking him why and I can feel that the verses were not appealing to me any longer. When I had a busy day and was about to go home, a Christian sister who I has lost touch with for a long time called me. At first I did not what to answer the phone, for it was a strange number. But thankfully I did. She did not know anything about this MISSION POSSIBLE and she just asked me how my day was. I wanted to finish the call as quick as possible thus I told her my grandpa has passed away and I am in blue. She comforted me with “sorry to hear that…etc.” Furthermore, she kept asking me, “how is your spending time with the Bible?” I was annoyed and I told her my doubts, then, she comforted me with exactly what I having been looking for!!! How amazing it is!! Isn’t it God? He saw my sadness and he sent someone to help me!!! This sister told me many things and here I want to share one most important thing: When something happens in your life, do not first react in this way: WHY? DID YOU HEAR MY PRAYERS? We should react like this: To pray, to look inside ourselves and find improvements---Why is this happening? Maybe God wants us to change in some ways!

Mighty God, I won’t turn from YOU.

I need to get some sleep now. I haven’t sleep for 2 days.

Thank you for all the prayers. I WILL STILL WORK ON MY FAMILY’S SALVATION; and even all the people I know.

He is home yesterday.

The big family forced my mom to give up treatment, even though the doctors have not given up. My mom told me that probably the reason why they don’t want to continue is because of the budget. They all earn very little and their children either need to get marry or buy houses.

Yesterday we took turns to take care of him. Everyone was all thumbs. Last night was my aunt’s and mom’s turn. They did not sleep. Besides, since they need to squeeze a special device as a substitute of the ventilator, their thumbs all raised blisters. Still, my grandpa was conscious until today and yesterday he still can write and answer.

However, my grandpa has slept all day today. My mom consulted with his doctors and they all suggest us to take him to the hospital specialized in lung instead of doing treatments at home. My mom told this fact to the family but no one agree with her, except my oldest aunt. I THINK THEY ARE KILLERS! MURDERS!! Now my mom cannot help but crying and she kept saying that: “He is conscious! Last night when we took care of him, he kept staring at us with loving eyes. I don’t think he wants to die! I don’t want to be siblings with the family any more! They are so selfish!”

I don’t know what to do and I can’t do anything either. Besides my mom, the big family consists of 1 uncle, 2 aunts and their correspondent families. They all have big families as well and they all DISAGREE TO DO FURTHER TREATMENT. They think everyone has fate and their father is old enough to die. They need to save money for their children, the future generation.

Lord, please tell me your will. Why you kept silent? The world is so hopeless and everyone is so selfish and short-sighted, no wonder they are not Christians. I don’t want mom cry…

In China we have a lullaby goes like this: “ride, ride, ride your boat to your grandma’s home…”. We all call the house of our grandparents’ as “grandma’s home”. Yet, when my grandma passed away I changed it into “grandpa’s home” to avoid nostalgia. These days I kept thinking, if my grandpa passed away, how should I call the house? “A house of empty.”

Yesterday when my cousins came to see my grandpa, they all cried. Since I have seem my grandpa much often than they do and I don’t want to let my grandpa cry with me, I tried my best to control my feelings not to weep. But when they all gone, I glanced around the house and saw the shell wind-bell I sent to my grandpa as a present from Yantai. My grandpa is a person who rarely shows his emotions and I thought he might not took my present seriously. But, He hung the bell in the middle of the roof, which means he really cared. Upon seeing this, a gush of tears came out.

God, where is the light? Is it you that harden my relatives hearts? If not, please save us!