Homesick

Last night (or actually this morning because I was staying up late preparing for the exams), I accidentally realized I have brought bed sheet and quilt from China.

So instead of sleeping on the beddings provided by the landlady, I made my bed with great joy. But when I was lying on the bed, I smelled a very familiar fragrance---the fragrance of the laundry powder my mom always uses. Everything "smells" so familiar, as if I was embracing her. She is so close, but so faraway! I couldn't have enough of this smell, and I tried in vain wanting to lock this fragrance to keep it from fading away. 

I miss my mom, I miss my parents back home. My heart aches every time when I think of them. Tears fell out of my eyes and I could do nothing but praying for them. Dear heavenly father, I give my parents to you. Please help them. Please help them find YOU! They need you. Thank you for all that you have provided. Thank you for letting them be my parents. 

I should press on and cherish everything I am facing now. Our mighty God is in control so there is nothing I need to worry about. Have faith, keep believing. 

Matthew 6:33(ESV)

33 But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. 

Without you, no day is possible.

Today is the third day of my graduate school. As an International student with no background in Speech Pathology, the courses are overwhelming for me. I literally had the thought of quitting from time to time. Everyday I am facing new changelings: schoolwork is hard, sometimes I don’t even understand what the professor is talking about…lots of reading and medical terms; American life is way too expensive, I have already used up my monthly expenses which is not much…I am stressed and worn out. I miss my family back home, I miss the children I worked with…I miss the happy days when I go to work each morning with joy and hope and no worries…I miss the circle times I led with my kids, I miss teaching them math, songs and life skills…I miss their smiles. Those fun and awesome memories…

Each time when I am reading the hard and long academic materials, which usually takes me 50 mins per article, I really want to quit and lie down. I studied hard in China and did have problems, but it is the very first time that I am exposed to so many terms I have NEVER heard of before. Speech Pathology is too new for China… What makes me continue is the reason WHY I came here. I saw the pictures of my special needs kids in the orphanages, I remembered our worship, our days of prayers, HIS promises; I saw my parents they are working extremely hard for my tuition fee regardless of their health condition, and they trust me even though they don’t understand…I am not exaggerating---that’s what make me move on each day.

American life is not as ideal as most Chinese imagine. I can’t afford most of the things, I have to really live by myself, to adjust and learn. Time is money and I don’t have either one.

I don’t know whether you are able to relate to me. I need to ask for help all the time, and being a “slow” student as I have never been back home in China. I miss the carefree days, though it was also hard but at least I don’t need to worry about school, about feeding myself, and about the tight budget.

But I AM SURE FATHER IS WITH ME. He is right by my side.

There are MANY things I feel thankful to, even though the time is hard. People generously supported me and helped me with part of my financial problem. My program partner and her roommates are the sweetest girls I have ever met in Memphis: they carpool with me and care about my daily needs even though we have just met. Professors are nice and one professor even lent me his book (although it is as huge as a dictionary).Friends introduced me to different churches and we studied the book together…Without God, these things are IMPOSSIBLE. I hardly dare to imagine my days without HIS provision.

This is the time when God want me to know Him more, to TRUST HIM AND SEEK HIM MORE!!!

“Where you go, I go; who you serve, I serve…” That’s the reason why I left my family and came to this land to study and fulfill my dream. I took the risk of being in debt, but I will receive more in YOU. “The Spirit of God came on Azariah son of Oded. He went out to meet Asa and said to him, ‘listen to me, Asa and Judah and Benjamin. The LORD IS WITH YOU when you are WITH HIM. If you SEEK him, he will be FOUND by you, but if you forsake him, he will forsake you.”  ---2 Chronicles 15:1,2

Please pray for me and my parents. Pray that I am constantly restored in HIS presence, pray that my father’s spinal problem will be healed supernaturally, pray that my parents can rest and rest in HIM.

It is because of the passion for the kids in China that I applied, being accepted, raised money, and settled down in Memphis. HE is the one who brought me here. Not the university or the pilot. HE DID AND PROVIDES.

FIX MY EYES ON JESUS.

1 Thessalonians 5:24 The one who calls you is faithful, and he will do it.

Hi my family in Christ!

This is my fifth day in Memphis and everything is doing good! Each day I realized I won't be able to do all of these without God. I was invited to a Chinese fellowship last Friday, and then I attended some church activities with my program partner in the past weekends. Every moment I can feel PAPA is taking good care of me: my Christian sister came to Memphis to help me settle down, people donated many daily necessities and supported me financially, my program partner and two classmates drive me to wherever places I need to go, both the church and the fellowship warmly welcomed me. Even though I am far away from home, I  literally feel God is my FATHER: He is protecting and helping his daughter getting ready for school. I am so blessed.

"Don't waste your season" was the title of our Sunday sermon. Yes, we are all called to do something for HIS glory. Each season is the mean time when we learn to trust HIM, to love HIM, and to fully depend on Him. I am really excited for the unfolding journey---majority of the people in the church are Med school students, and the church has experience of International Medical trips. He is so faithful, he is leading ahead and I am merely a follower!!! I am overwhelmed by the opportunities He has provided!!

1 Thessalonians 5:24

24 The one who calls you is faithful, and he will do it.

AMEN!!

Overjoyed--God made it!

Fund Raising. #1

teaching my cp kids

teaching kids about "growing things"---insects.

volunteering at Bring Me Hope

passion and love

joy

satisfaction

Please join me---helping these children

This is the webpage of the orphanage I am working at. There are more kids waiting for you: http://www.loavesandfishesintl.com/photos.php

one of the accessories my Mom MADE---you can also order clothes, accessories from my mom.

Thank you!

How great is our God! --- My story with God---He is always walking with me.

Those who sow in tears will reap with songs of joy. 

---Palms 126:5

Those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.

---Isaiah 40:31

Today I received the best birthday present for 2013. I got the official acceptance letter from University of Memphis, Master of Speech-Language Pathology program. According to the letter, their speech program is one of the best in the U.S. (TOP 15). Meanwhile, my academic director is the director of the Social Interaction Lab, the coordinator of the Phonetics Lab, and the collaborator in the Speech Science, Infant Vocalization, and Bilingualism Labs. I am looking forward to furthering my study in this school, since all of these research areas can make a great difference in the lives of special needs children. God, you are so good!

As what I have always been reminded, I am very thankful that God revealed his vision to me at such an early age. Besides joy and peace,I have gone through doubts, fears and distress, and I know I will continue to face more obstacles. But I have gained trust instead of fears, for God has prepared me and I know I am constructed for something great and awesome.

Before I share my testimony, I appeal to you to pray for my parents’ salvation, my father’s sickness (cervical spondylotic myelopathy), and my tuition fee for the master degree. As for the master tuition fee (Because I will be studying three semesters a year, so the tuition fee is $35000 for only 1 year, not including living expenses. I need to study for 2 full years), I am very thankful that I have such supportive parents. They have no idea of what am I going to study and what can I do as a speech pathologist (we have never heard of this career in China), but they said they will try their best to support me to follow my passion and dream. They are planning to put the apartment on mortgage so as to pay for my studies.----But I don’t want them to sacrifice so much for me---They have worked their whole life just to earn this apartment. And it will be a huge debt. Pls pray for me!! Thank you. God will make a way. I believe it!!

MY CALLING, PASSION, AND VISION.

I have long been an active volunteer of Bring Me Hope, a Christian-led care organization that changes lives through summer camps for Chinese orphans. In Feb. 2012, through God’s grace and His provision, I had a chance to visit California and had Bible training for three weeks. After I came back from the States, I felt strongly that G wants me to devote my life for children with special needs (I have had this thought after years of volunteering not only for BMH but for the University Volunteer Association). But I did not know in which specific area. So I kept working hard on school work, kept volunteering and kept taking part-time jobs to support my family. A desire to study special education or speech pathology in the U.S. rose, when I was doing research with one of my professors. I was not sure about this big step. After numerous talks with my Christian mentors, I started to prepare for all kinds of exams and materials to go to grad school in America. But one obstacle appeared soon after that. Because of some policies, there are many limitations for an International student to be admitted, got scholarships, and be licensed as a special education teacher in the U.S. I was very frustrated until one day I have a online conference with C university. I found out speech pathology really fits my talent (I LOVE languages), passion and interests (I LOVE working for special needs children). Meanwhile, the volunteer association I worked for won the “Caring For China---Google China Social Innovation Cup” again! So I started checking three hundreds of grad schools in the U.S. after days of prayers and trust, and despite of all the obstacles: I don’t have money to go to grad school, most Chinese people have NEVER heard of speech therapy, and the competition is fierce even among native students.

I have had a vision for special needs children for a long time. I hope one day I can set up a foundation, holding training camps which are full of songs of joy and love from God. In the camp the kids would learn to find their interests and talents. I will invite volunteers to join the camp with their spiritual gifts, and give different kinds of classes and activities to children with various special needs. Thus, the blinds won’t always have to be masseurs, and children who cannot speak will be able to express their love of this beautiful life.

Another indicator of HIS calling ---my current job as a special education teacher in an American-found orphanage.

After 8 months I finally finished the application. I took the GRE tests, passed the National post-grad entrance examination, conducted three academic researches, and financially supported myself by having three part-time jobs. When it was time for me to leave Y and go back to F, I felt sad, thinking about not having fellowship, no place to serve children (I am very familiar with the kids in Y orphanage). HOWEVER, God helped me again. He heard our prayers. Three friends told me they want to volunteer in a warmer place after their summit in Thailand, and they found an orphanage in F! I STUDIED their website right after I got this news. And I love it!!!

As soon as I arrived home, I went to the orphanage, at first just thinking of volunteering on weekends. But by God’s grace, I was invited to work there, and most importantly, I have fallen in love with these children. I believed that’s totally from God, so I stayed here, working full-time. I teach children with severe communication disorders, such as autism, cp, Down syndrome, and cleft-palate.

Working at this orphanage is a God-blessed experience for me. It reaffirmed my calling and passion. The more I teach, the stronger I feel I need to gain some formal training so as to help them more effectively. AND just last week I was informed that I got admitted by the university of Memphis and New Mexico State U, speech pathology program! I have received 6 rej letters and I did not have any hope in going to grad school. As I checked the website of U of Memphis, I saw their motto: “Dreamers. Thinkers. Doers”. God just made me cry again! He works in a miracle way! I have never thought of being admitted by the U Memphis, since it is so highly ranked and so…unknown in China. God just picked a right one for me!! A cheaper but better one! 

To be continued…

The story of me working at the orphanage will go on…and the story of how God provides me money to go to graduate school will begin. I trust our Lord. Last Sunday I set myself crying freely in God’s greatness. As I was listening to “How great is our God”, I remembered how my parents support me even when they don’t understand; I remembered all the days I worked so hard at school; I remembered my Christian family in Y; and I was thinking about how great and big his purpose for me is. I don’t know where and what I will be, and I wept while thinking leaving my parents at home, unsaved. I could give everything, but I cannot afford this…

Thank you for reading this LONG story. I hope someday my dream can come true. And I also hope my parents can be saved soon. My mom is a brilliant tailor, she can make many crafts and clothes. How wonderful it will be if she would join, and using her skills to do God’s work.

How great is our GOD, I want to sing your name forever.

“The LORD is my strength! He makes me as surefooted as a deer, able to tread upon the heights. ---Habakkuk 3:19”

"You guide me with Your counsel, leading me to a glorious destiny. --Psalm 73:24"

Edited on April 3th.: It turns out that I really need to trust God to provide me the money. I am getting out of the boat, and trying to walk on water. This is another huge step I am taking. Here I hope you can help me both spiritually and financially, if you feel like God is telling you to. You can donate here:

Hope you can join me in this life-changing journey.
Thank you.

My recent updates and prayer requests---from a letter to my Christian mentors.

Dear family in Christ,

How are you? There have been a lot of things happened in your life, I miss you two so much! There were A LOT of things going on in my life, too. Finally I got time and mood to sit down and write you a long letter. I am sorry that I did not do it earlier.

I will not be an assistant speech pathologist in the Hidden Treasures Home, but I will be a special education teacher and self-study Speech Therapy in my free time! This is because the ONLY speech pathologist in the orphanage is the female director, and she is super busy: the leader, mother of eight children, and she is pursuing her doctor degree. Thus, she will provide me materials to study, and I can ask questions when she is available. When she told me this, I was a bit confused. Is this G0d’s will? I kept asking myself. I think I have excluded that HE wants me to do special education, so I applied for speech pathology last year. I don’t know. But up till now, I LOVE working in that BIG Christian Family. And working with those special-needs children MAY add to my future career if I want to be a speech pathologist. I DON’T KNOW. Why HE doesn't show me his purpose clearer? It is like HE put something that I have thought that is not his Purpose to my life again. A detour?

The three girls’ journey at my home was great! My parents love them and miss them. What amazed me most was that, we got to SHARE our faith with my parents! Oh, my Lord, you are so amazing! My parents asked them why they came to China, and why they want to volunteer. They said it is because of their FATHER. As the translator, I was bold enough to share my faith with them too. It was my first time. And I got to know my parents more. It turned out that my mom is a woman with compassion, too. She LOVES to help others. But she told us that this can only be a habit. “We still need to survive, to earn bread.” (As a talented tailor, she only earns 10-20RMB a day just because she doesn't want to charge those poor people). My father is so hardworking and loving. He kept saying: “your faith is so much better than our faith. We pray because we want to get something. But you pray for other people’s sake.” I wept again and again that night. I thank G--------d that I have these awesome parents. I pray hard that they can be saved SOON. They need HIM!!!

As for my father’s sickness and my salary, one night I told my parents and the three girls that I will earn 2500RMB a month there, no national holidays, no bonus, neither insurance. My mom said nothing but signed. Later, she pulled out my Dad’s X-ray picture, showed it to my friends and me. She said: “It is not because I am greedy that I want her to get a better job and earn more. We need money. Her dad is diagnosed with severe cervical spondylotic myelopathy and he needs surgery sooner or later. But he is the only source of income and when he does the surgery, he won’t be able to work for at least half a year. And if anything worse happens, we don’t know what to do. I cried again. It seems like I work so hard for the needed people, but I forgot my parents…who is also in need.

Oh, this is indeed a LONG email. How I miss the days when I sit in front of you and shared my feelings and doubts. I miss you. But we all need to move on. I am so thankful that G---d is with me from the beginning to the end. I wish all is well, and pls keep in touch with me!!!

BTW, CAN I HAVE YOUR BREAD RECIPE? I want to make nutritious bread for my parents. I have got an oven!

LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE

JOJO

p.s. I got a rejection letter from NYU last Friday. And another rej letter from Peking University is probably on its way. :(((((

My vision=My dream=God's purpose FOR me.

Yesterday I had a talk with Uncle Mike over lunch. I shared him what I want to be in the future, that is, my vision from God. I have being seeking His purpose for years and finally I thought this is what God wants me to do.

First of all, I think every child with special need has different kinds of dreams for their future. Take the blind children I have been working with as an example. Though conversations we as volunteers knew that they are talented and not all of them want to be a massagist. Besides, we taught them and gave them chances to show their talent---instruments, poetry reading, singing, dancing etc. each week. They loved our lessons and had a lot of fun! From this example what I want to express is that children are young and they need someone to show them guidance. When we were young, our parents were the ones who taught us what we can be in the future. However, as for those blind children I worked with, no one has showed them way. All the people around them simply want to kindergarten them; let them survive instead of to live a life.

As for my vision, I want to pursuit my postgraduate in either special education or speech pathology. I want to make a difference, even if I can only influence one individual. I wish I can work in the U.S., learn more professional knowledge and gain experience. Most importantly, I will raise money for special need kids and invest a school in China that practice inclusive education. Besides, I wish I can organize a summer camp which not only provide children with interesting activities but also teach them how to play instruments and other kinds of arts, such as poetry reading, singing, dancing etc.

This dream would be hard, but as long as I am walking in His path, I will make it.

I began this article and finished it after 2 days; thus my idea is not as sequence. But I wish I have expressed it clearly and this is a record that I want to review in a few years.