My vision=My dream=God's purpose FOR me.

Yesterday I had a talk with Uncle Mike over lunch. I shared him what I want to be in the future, that is, my vision from God. I have being seeking His purpose for years and finally I thought this is what God wants me to do.

First of all, I think every child with special need has different kinds of dreams for their future. Take the blind children I have been working with as an example. Though conversations we as volunteers knew that they are talented and not all of them want to be a massagist. Besides, we taught them and gave them chances to show their talent---instruments, poetry reading, singing, dancing etc. each week. They loved our lessons and had a lot of fun! From this example what I want to express is that children are young and they need someone to show them guidance. When we were young, our parents were the ones who taught us what we can be in the future. However, as for those blind children I worked with, no one has showed them way. All the people around them simply want to kindergarten them; let them survive instead of to live a life.

As for my vision, I want to pursuit my postgraduate in either special education or speech pathology. I want to make a difference, even if I can only influence one individual. I wish I can work in the U.S., learn more professional knowledge and gain experience. Most importantly, I will raise money for special need kids and invest a school in China that practice inclusive education. Besides, I wish I can organize a summer camp which not only provide children with interesting activities but also teach them how to play instruments and other kinds of arts, such as poetry reading, singing, dancing etc.

This dream would be hard, but as long as I am walking in His path, I will make it.

I began this article and finished it after 2 days; thus my idea is not as sequence. But I wish I have expressed it clearly and this is a record that I want to review in a few years.

My first "busiest" working day of BMH as a staff.

Just some short updates, I will update more when I have free time:

I arrived the Yantai Camp on July 4th with May, carrying part of the things we need. Then Daniel arrived and we did some shopping, rent a computer, got drinking machine, reorganized the office, etc. Besides all these, life is not all that busy. We are just waiting for all our other stuff to arrive. However, on July 6th. We got the news from Anna that we can’t have access to all our camp stuff which we put them in a man’s storage room last year. SO WE NEED TO START OUR PLAN B!!! After all sorts of preparation, Meghan, Becca, Lemon, Lemon’s sister, two American volunteers and I went out to hunt for mats, pillows, towels, quilts, bedding cloth, toys…to name just a few!!! By the way, we did not carry much cash with us…so…

Anyway, since our team is so organized and united and May has done some other shopping in downtown Yantai, finally we got everything ready for the camp!

This camp is already exciting at the beginning!

Life goes on.

Hi friends, long time no see!

It has been a while after my grandpa's death that I did not post any updates. I was recovering from the loss and I think I have grown more in Christ. Thank all the people I know who prayed for me, shared with me and care about me. Thank you.

During the pass months many things happened: I went back school for graduate thesis defense and got an "excellent", my thesis is about to be published; my mom is having hard time dealing with her siblings about the up-in-the-air heritage; my father is still in sickness and sadness; I graduated from University, with no job and many pressures from other family members except my parents; I saw all my beloved foreign teachers off; I rent a room with my friend, preparing for the postgraduate exams...And now, I am in BRING ME HOPE CAMP as a staff!!

As for the latest plan, I have been working on the application of the master degree about special education or speech pathology in the U.S. I think this is what God wants me to do in the future. At the same time, I am preparing for the Chinese national postgraduate entrance exam as a backup option. Last year I applied for Peking University and I was 29 scores less than their criterion. Since my family cannot afford the high tuition fee even if I got admitted by any of the U.S. universities, I need to find a school that offers special education degree and scholarships! Sounds like a lot of jobs, right? Don't worry. Although I am busy, I don't feel very exhausted because God is the one who strengthens me.


Life goes on and------
Let's see what God will work out for me!

He has gone. Thank you all for your prayers.

He has gone. Thank you all.

On May 4, 2012, my dearest grandpa passed away.

On May 3th. Night, I went to see my grandpa with my parents as usual. He was sleeping, or rather, in coma. My mom tried to wake him up by talking to and pushing him but he did not reply. After helping my aunt and uncle with other devices, we went home.

I went to bed in the late 12 o’clock. After the prayer time I laid on bed, could not help but thinking the days we have spent together. I still remember I prayed to God to give him the chance to be a believer. Then my mind went into a scene which shows that---before I went to the U.S., I went to his home and had conversation with him; he told me to be polite and he even taught me how to cook so as to show my thankfulness to my host family. He was always the source of wisdom for me. I still remember when I rode my bike and left, he stood besides the door and saw me off. I just could not believe this would be the last scene we have. I THOUGHT WE CAN GET TOGETHER AGAIN AND I CAN SHOW HIM AND EXPLIAN TO HIM THE PHOTOS I TOOK IN THE U.S. AND SHARE THE GOSPEL WITH HIM. I WANNA HEAR HIS INSTRUCTION AGAIN.

But I did not get the chance.

Upon remembering this scene, I cried seriously on my bed. Almost at the same time, the phone rang. I sensed a sense of ill omen. It was my aunt, she ask us to go to grandpa’s home ASAP, for his heart was beating really slow. It was raining cats and dogs and despite all of this, my family rushed to his home like crazy. I rode my bike as fast as my mom’s scooter and because of the murky glasses I cannot see the road clearly, my legs became numb. I did not care about that at all.

When we arrived at around 1:45a.m., I saw my grandpa’s skin has turned white and it was the first time for me to face death. I was not scared nor did I faint, instead, I just followed every instruction the elders given to me. I dare not to face the truth. My uncle kept squeezing the substitute of ventilator. No one wants to face the reality. REALITY BITES.

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Then were the rituals and other stuff which I am too tired to mention.

There were so many things happened today, as if the whole day in a whole year.

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As soon as he passed away, I kept praying to God that please took him to YOUR place! I am sad not only because of his leaving, but also the uncertainty of whether he has accepted God and now is in heaven or not.

To be frank, I had some doubts and unhappiness with God. I kept asking him why and I can feel that the verses were not appealing to me any longer. When I had a busy day and was about to go home, a Christian sister who I has lost touch with for a long time called me. At first I did not what to answer the phone, for it was a strange number. But thankfully I did. She did not know anything about this MISSION POSSIBLE and she just asked me how my day was. I wanted to finish the call as quick as possible thus I told her my grandpa has passed away and I am in blue. She comforted me with “sorry to hear that…etc.” Furthermore, she kept asking me, “how is your spending time with the Bible?” I was annoyed and I told her my doubts, then, she comforted me with exactly what I having been looking for!!! How amazing it is!! Isn’t it God? He saw my sadness and he sent someone to help me!!! This sister told me many things and here I want to share one most important thing: When something happens in your life, do not first react in this way: WHY? DID YOU HEAR MY PRAYERS? We should react like this: To pray, to look inside ourselves and find improvements---Why is this happening? Maybe God wants us to change in some ways!

Mighty God, I won’t turn from YOU.

I need to get some sleep now. I haven’t sleep for 2 days.

Thank you for all the prayers. I WILL STILL WORK ON MY FAMILY’S SALVATION; and even all the people I know.

He is home yesterday.

The big family forced my mom to give up treatment, even though the doctors have not given up. My mom told me that probably the reason why they don’t want to continue is because of the budget. They all earn very little and their children either need to get marry or buy houses.

Yesterday we took turns to take care of him. Everyone was all thumbs. Last night was my aunt’s and mom’s turn. They did not sleep. Besides, since they need to squeeze a special device as a substitute of the ventilator, their thumbs all raised blisters. Still, my grandpa was conscious until today and yesterday he still can write and answer.

However, my grandpa has slept all day today. My mom consulted with his doctors and they all suggest us to take him to the hospital specialized in lung instead of doing treatments at home. My mom told this fact to the family but no one agree with her, except my oldest aunt. I THINK THEY ARE KILLERS! MURDERS!! Now my mom cannot help but crying and she kept saying that: “He is conscious! Last night when we took care of him, he kept staring at us with loving eyes. I don’t think he wants to die! I don’t want to be siblings with the family any more! They are so selfish!”

I don’t know what to do and I can’t do anything either. Besides my mom, the big family consists of 1 uncle, 2 aunts and their correspondent families. They all have big families as well and they all DISAGREE TO DO FURTHER TREATMENT. They think everyone has fate and their father is old enough to die. They need to save money for their children, the future generation.

Lord, please tell me your will. Why you kept silent? The world is so hopeless and everyone is so selfish and short-sighted, no wonder they are not Christians. I don’t want mom cry…

In China we have a lullaby goes like this: “ride, ride, ride your boat to your grandma’s home…”. We all call the house of our grandparents’ as “grandma’s home”. Yet, when my grandma passed away I changed it into “grandpa’s home” to avoid nostalgia. These days I kept thinking, if my grandpa passed away, how should I call the house? “A house of empty.”

Yesterday when my cousins came to see my grandpa, they all cried. Since I have seem my grandpa much often than they do and I don’t want to let my grandpa cry with me, I tried my best to control my feelings not to weep. But when they all gone, I glanced around the house and saw the shell wind-bell I sent to my grandpa as a present from Yantai. My grandpa is a person who rarely shows his emotions and I thought he might not took my present seriously. But, He hung the bell in the middle of the roof, which means he really cared. Upon seeing this, a gush of tears came out.

God, where is the light? Is it you that harden my relatives hearts? If not, please save us!

At least a piece of good news!

I think God has answered our prayers.

After I have post the latest blog: (“Where is theway? You are the way.”), my mom went home. She told me that she went into the ICU room again and has a conversation with my grandpa. My grandpa told her that he was very eager to recover so he got impatient and was upset. My mom comforted him by talking to him and did a light massage; and finally he agreed to do the injection. Moreover, my aunt and mom went into the room again since other aunts did not believe what my mom told them. In the room they ask my grandpa: would you want to go home; or would you like to wait for a few more days and then move to the emergency ward? My grandpa told them: “up to you”, which was out of their expectation, for he has been insisting to GO HOME for a long time but now he stops insisting that! God!!!!

Moreover, the family had a big quarrel outside the hospital. MY mom even KNEELED DOWN TO HER SISTER. My aunt did not want to do further treatments and she shouted to my mom and said she has been tolerating my mom for a long time (my mom is the youngest daughter). She also said she is not going to pay for the treatments. Finally, in order to stop the quarrel my mom said she will be the one who pay. She said she just doesn’t want to have regrets in the future.

Poor mom. When she told me these, I saw tears in her eyes.

BUT! GOD IS WATCHING ALL OF THESE! Just in a while after my mom said that, one of my faraway relatives who is a doctor came. He went to see my grandpa and also said that my grandpa should be in the hospital and he IS RECOVERING. Besides, he also promised to provide some money tomorrow.

These are the updates. I feel relieved that: 1. my grandpa accepts to do treatments. 2. the family is not giving up. 3. the money is arriving.

But still, we still need prayers, for 1. We told my grandpa to stay for A FEW MORE DAYS so we are afraid that if he stays longer he will be upset again. 2. the family is having quarrel mainly because of the money issue. Their bank account has no more money now.

God, thank you!

Now I can go to Shanghai with peace...

Where is the way? You are the way.

Sorry for no updates for 2 days.

Yesterday everything seems to be a good sign: 1. The doctor removed the breathing machine and my grandpa is adjusting pretty well. According to the doctors, if he can breathe without the machine for 2 days, he would be able to get out of the ICU and move to the emergency ward. 2. My mom and aunt went into the ICU to comfort my grandpa face to face yesterday. My grandpa was calm and conscious; he also talked with them through sign language. All the relatives were very happy yesterday.

But today, everything went back to the worse stage. This morning the nurse told my mom that my grandpa pulled out the tub which provides him with nutritious liquid as food substitute. Worse still, since the amount of carbon dioxide is his blood is increasing and the doctors decided to use the breathing machine again. Moreover, this afternoon, he even pulled out tubs that inserted into his body. On hearing this, my mom cried and rushed to the hospital. She has been out for at least 3 hours and I can’t contact her.

I really cannot understand what God’s plan is for my grandpa; and, for the family. I thought my grandpa is recovering and as long as he can move to the emergency ward rather than staying in the ICU I can talk with him about the Bible and God. However, probably because he has been in the ICU for too long (1 month) and he is losing patience and hope. I dare not send him the notes any longer, for he cries every time he reads the notes and wants to go home.

God, please tell me what to do and please help my parents and other family members, for they are not yet believers and without God everything is too hard.

God, please tell me what I suppose to do.

P.S. I need to head for Shanghai on early tomorrow morning. The day after tomorrow on 7:30a.m. will be the advanced interpretation exam. I put everything in God’s hand. I am too tired to have my own understanding now.

God, please show us the way.

Today my grandpa wept again when we came to visit. He insisted to get up and go home. Upon seeing this, all of us shed tears. We don’t know what to do next. The doctors cannot give us a clear answer and as long as he needs the breathing machine he cannot get out of the ICU. What should we do?

Tomorrow the doctors will try to stop the breathing machine if possible. I need prayers.

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According to the doctors and nurses, my grandpa cooperates well with them. He can tolerate many things yet today  when we came to visit, he was emotional. As he read the notes, he kept shaking his head and expressing the intention that he wants to go home. I feel so discouraged since I wondered whether he has accepted the verses or not. In the note I told him to have confidence in himself, in the doctors and in GOD. But as he shakes his head, I feel as if everything was in vain. God, please give my grandpa more time to get to know you and be your follower! We need more time! Please tell me what should I do to let them open their hearts and accept you! I have planted the seeds!

God bless us.

Help me!

He cried after reading the note. God, tell us what should we do and pls comfort my mom.

Today is another similar day. I gave the nurse my note and she read it to him. However, different than before, my grandpa cried heavily. He was emotional at that point. I don’t know which sentence made him cry but as he cried my heart hurts as if a blunt knife is cutting it.

Here is the note:

My dearest grandpa, Joanna comes to see you again! We all have confidence in you, so never give up! There is no fear in love! (1 John 4:18) We all love you! The doctor says that as long as you are with the assistant of the ventilator, you are not in life danger! So you are recovering! Have patience and faith! Moreover, we all care about you and there are so many people praying for you! God is taking care of everything! The LORD will give strength unto his people; the LORD will bless his people with peace. (Psalms 29:11). I love you!

When he got the note, he insisted to read it by himself even though he can barely move his hands. He shed tears. The nurse was touched and she kept comforting him. Moreover, the nurse opened the door secretly and asks me to say something to him. (We still cannot see each other). As she opened the door, my mind was in totally blank. I don’t know what to say and I forgot all the dialect. Finally, I said to him: “Grandpa, you will be fine. I am doing well on my study and you don’t need to worry about me. Have confidence and cooperate with the doctors. We will be fine.” When I went out, I saw my mom crying and because of that everyone was shedding tears, so did I.

God, I don’t know what is your purpose, but I trust in you. Please, please comfort my mom since she has not yet accept you and I know her heart will break if my grandpa passes away. I know God is doing all things for our good. But please give me wisdom and courage when sad things happen. Send me where you need me.

I will have to head for Shanghai on 29^th. April and have a hard, expensive, important interpretation exam on 30^th. April. I did not prepare it as intense as usual. (You know, I can have a tight schedule all about exams but this time I did not, which is not my style.) But everything is on God’s hand. Let God give me the result. I really don’t have any clues now and finally I knew what does “FULLY RELY ON GOD” means---is to give up my jurisdiction and always only trust in God. Moreover, I will probably change my plan which was to go back to school after the exam. I will go home and accompany my parents, to face whatever happens together.

Besides, we are facing a tight budget now. Please pray for us…My aunt in law tried to convince my mom to give up treatment in these sentences: “Our father is too old (87) and we are spending thousands of money everyday for no good result. Even if he is able to recover, he might only have at most 10 years to live. What about us? We are poor (they are all lay-off) and we have so many months waiting for us to feed.” These sentences are tough but realistic. To do or not to do? That’s a question. God, please show us the road!

人心筹算自己的道路。惟耶和华指引他的脚步。

In his heart a man plans his course, but the LORD determines his steps.    ---Proverbs 16:9

He wants to go home.

He wants to go home.

Today I went to the hospital again with my passionate notes. After reading the notes, my grandpa wrote down “HOME” with his trembling hand. Even though the character is hard to be recognized, we all understood.

All the family members cried. We don’t know what to do. He wants to go home! What should we do?!! Going home without doctors and devices means death! God, please tell me what to do!!

Anyway, my grandpa is not in a calm mood and I wrote a note wanting him to stay calm and let’s wait and have confidence.

Today is so hard for me.

Afterwards, I had a look at of the list of the treatments. As I read it, my tears couldn’t help but dropping---these can be so painful and my grandpa is all suffering! Maybe going home is a good method? But I don’t want him die! Why is he reacting this way today? Didn’t he get the gospels and encouragements I have given to him? Did the verses work????

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I went home with tears in my eyes and doubts in my mind. God, did you hear my prayers? Everyone is suffering, please have mercy on us, please…I would like to take all the responsibilities of the sins they have done. They are simply didn’t know you…They are not doing that on purpose....

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Thankfully, as I arrived home, the first thing I did is to open my Bible. Even though I have doubts, I still trust YOU. You are doing your work in your way, the best way for us!

And when I checked the email box, one thing surprised me most is that, all the emails are telling me not to lose faith! Thank you all! Thank you for reminding me!!

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.

                                           ----- Psalm 23:4

I gotta read the The book of job again. 

God is with us!

 

He is still conscious, He is simply too weak! I don't think he is dying! Thank you for your prayers!

My mom is such a strong woman. She is the only one who goes to see my grandpa everyday. She has to sweep her tears and continue to do whatever she can. She needs to be calm when other sisters are crying. She has to smile to those relatives who came to visit. I really admire her. God gave me a chance to get to know my mom better. Thank you, God.

One note per day.

This afternoon I went to the hospital again, bringing my notes for him. However, since there are a group of relatives visiting, they all crowded around and I was not able to write more when seeing my grandpa through the glass wall. Anyway, in the note I share him with the verses: “Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things. Love never fails. (1 Corinthians 13:7-8). Here is the note:

Dear grandpa, I am Joanna! Do you remember the days when you share me with your life stories? You even saved your life in the hurricane! So there is nothing tougher! You can make it! I admire you so much that even when I feel tired with my study, I will think of my great, strong, kind-hearted grandpa. We are so loved! There is nothing we can’t do!

My mom, uncle and aunts are taking good care of you; we all wish you can recover soon! Moreover, my teachers and friends in China as well as in the U.S. all have heard about you. They are all praying for you. We have confidence! Always hope, always believe, Love never fails!

I love you! My strongest grandpa!

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I heard from a nurse that the major problem for my grandpa is that his lung is infected and sometimes he is too weak to breathe by himself. So they need to insert a tub into his nose to help him breathe; thus He can stay alive and the doctors can be able to treat the specific infection. However, inserting a tub into the nose is painful and costly, that’s the reason why the big family was having family meetings. Due to the tight budget and the pains that grandpa is suffering, they have decided not to do further treatments. Nevertheless, this morning, the family changed their mind, they want to do further treatments when necessary. They can’t leave their father to die. God! Please, show your glory!! Have mercy on us!!

His health condition is in ups and downs so is everyone’s mood. I really pray to God to not only save my grandpa but pour love into all the family members’ hearts. They need hope. I can see my uncle and aunts are tired and exhausted, so are my parents; as if they turned old over night. I have only been in this battle for 5 days and now I am already worn out. God, please help us…

I believe God is fair and just, he won’t leave my grandpa to Satan. My grandpa is a good man with a poor family background, whereas he is respected by many people. Since his family is poor, he has only received elementary education yet he enjoys reading and writing by self-study. Besides, when he was young he even saved other people’s life! He once told me that there was a hurricane and the ship was torn down in pieces. By grasping one piece of deck tightly, he saved himself as well as a child. His skin was scratched but he tolerated all the pains despite of the salty sea water. Years after, when he was about to be selected as the officer of a county, in order to save his then neighbor out of political persecution, he rowed them to other place and as a result he got nothing in the end. My grandpa’s life stories can be written in a book and here is only one part of it. God, I don’t know whether he has accept you or not, but I am sure he doesn’t go against you! He respects you! We are educated not to have religions in this country; we did not know the importance and existence of you! We are sorry. Give us your salvation please!

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Please continue to pray for my grandpa. Only prayers and verses can comfort us now. We all need hope…

And I will continue to write notes to him no matter what!!! I won’t give in! I don’t think he is dying!

Thank you!

p.s. today the relatives brought us 10000 RMB for treatment and that really solved some problem to some degree. Thank you, Lord.

Faith, hope, love!!

I need your prayers!!! God won't give up on my grandpa!

我外公今天又没法自己呼吸，家里人都去医院做最后的决定了。我不知道该怎么办，只知道跟神祷告。我不知道神的旨意是如何。但是我已经将福音告诉外公，剩下的求神做工！

Today things are getting worse.

Last night when my mom came back home she told me that one of the doctors they knew said if we took grandpa home in these days, he may be able to say some final wills. My mom was so distressed and I saw her crying in her room. But he is still conscious! Things are getting better!! I don’t think he is dying! It seems that all the other family members are giving up, they have been in this battle for so long and they are tired. My mom has been working so hard but all she gets is the negative statement from the doctor. She doesn’t know what to do next. But she doesn’t want to give up.

I cried and prayed until I fell asleep. I ask God to take care of my grandpa. He has just heard the gospel so Lord pls don’t give up on him! He needs to accept Jesus!

This morning, someone called saying that my grandpa cannot breathe by himself. They want my parents to sign their name about whether to do further treatment or not. They have already gone to the hospital for 3 hours. I don’t have any updates.

My family left me home wanting me to focus on my study. But I can’t. I pray and pray, reading my Bible. But I still feel so sad. I don’t know what God’s plan is for my grandpa. I don’t know whether he has accepted Jesus or not. Before he went to hospital he told my mom to respect all the religions and don’t be too harsh on me (My mom told him I have became a Christian). Jesus, please show your mercy on my grandpa! He needs your salvation!!

I don’t know what to do next. My hands are trembling. I am so afraid of the final sentence. And I don’t know how to face the reality if he really passed away. I don’t know how to comfort my parents. NO! He won’t be dying! God is taking care of him and I believe God won’t forsake Joanna’s kind, great, strong, good grandfather!

In God’s name I pray, A men!

When no one is having hope, I still trust in GOD.

Here is a description of a normal day of my mom:


Today is my mother's turn to take care of my grandpa so it is the busiest day of hers. She needs to get up at 5:30 and cook some rice porridge for my grandpa. Then she will rush to the hospital and give the meal to the doctor. After that, my mom has to rush home and prepare breakfast for my Dad and took him to the bus stop where his company's bus will pick him up. Then she needs to either hurry home or head for the supermarket. Remember, this is only the morning! She will need to provide every meal for my grandpa and the family as well as doing the cleaning, shopping etc. Since we don't have car, things become even harder. 


The reason why I mention all of these is because I feel so proud of my mom. She is a strong woman. Besides, thanks to God that HE asked me to go back home so that I can be a helper of her, even though just for 10 days.
=================
And now is the report of my grandpa.


Praise the Lord! He is getting better! At least better than yesterday! The nurse told us that he can breathe by himself, with the assistance of a special device that helps him overcome the air pressure (I guess it's called "pressure breathing assister"). Moreover, she told us that he is able to create excreta (I don't know whether I have express the "human waste" in English correctly).

I also sent him notes. I quoted some Bible verses as well as telling him that I have confidence in my upcoming interpretation exam. I told him not to worry about my study. All the family members are taking care of him and we all wish him to recover soon. In addition, I said that my English teachers who are Christians supported me with money to buy bus tickets, so coming back home did not cost me a lot. All the Christians are praying! God is taking care of him! "For which cause we faint not; but though our outward man perish, yet the inward man is renewed day by day. (2 Corinthians 4:16)".
"But as it is written, Eye hath not seen, nor ear heard, neither have entered into the heart of man, the things which God hath prepared for them that love him.(1 Corinthians 2:9)"
Now unto him that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that worketh in us.(Ephesians 3:20)

I don't know whether my grandpa has accept Jesus or not, but I have faith in God's word! I think God is Working! I trust him!

To be frank, when writing all these verses, I am afraid being too "spiritual" thus I will upset my relatives or my grandpa. I am not sure...so I prayed when writing the note. I also encourage all the relatives to write notes to him, for we can not be with him face to face but we can express our love to him by letters! Chinese people really don't know how to express their emotion, but I encourage them to try! Even a simple sentence saying that "I love you" would be great!
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When it's time to leave. The big family had a conversation. I can sense their hopelessness in their words. I should not blame them, for they are not Christians and they have been in this battle for more than 1 month, they are tired. But how I wish they can change their attitude! You know what, one relative even said that all the good signs are a sign of dying! God, save all these lost people!!!!

I think God is using me greatly. I am ready and I won't give in. When no one have faith, I have! When all the relatives are accusing doctors of their greediness, I don't think so! Why can't they see the positive side?

people are getting tired and more and more relatives are losing hope. I feel like the battle has began...A battle between God and Satan...:'( I won't fall!
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It's too late now, I will write more tomorrow.
Please continue to pray for my Grandpa, he is a good man and he is very strong. He has done many good things to others and all he needs is God's salvation!!!!! I love him! I want to see him in heaven!!!


God, save him Please!

Thank you for your Prayers! And I know God is taking care!

Last night was horrible, when we all sat down and get ready for the supper, my aunt called my mom, saying that my grandpa's heart is not beating normally（心律不齐）. They wanted my mom to go to the hospital and to have a family meeting---whether to do further treatment or not.

My Mom left home without eating anything. She did not want me to accompany either. Thus I cried loudly in my room and send test messages to all the Christians I can think of. Afterwards, I kept praying and praying, when I am tired I would read my Bible and verses. I was so helpless! I don't know what to do but to pray!

When my mom went back home she was discouraged. She told me that the conclusion of the family meeting is that they don't want to have further treatments to my grandpa, for 1.they have already spent so much money and the treatments are expensive; 2.my grandpa is old and his body maybe too weak to suffer from the treatments. Meanwhile, mom told me that all her siblings were discussing the funeral and the inheritances. She said she was too tired to join their discussion. Poor Mom, She needs Jesus's love!

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Today I went to the hospital with my mom in the afternoon. Praise the Lord! He is conscious! I wept again. Since I can't talk with him face to face but the nurse can read letters for him, I wrote 2 notes for my grandpa. In the notes I mentioned that everything is going well in my life: I got a 1000 RMB scholarship in school and my graduate thesis is going to be published. Most importantly, I told him I am a Christian. I told him that God is almighty and HE loves everyone. "For God so loved the world that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.(John 3:16)". Also, I encouraged him that Christians all over the world are praying for him. I love him and God loves him.

Here are the notes:

Note 1:

Grandpa, I am Joanna and I am a Christian now. I want to share with you that God is taking care of you! God loves every human being and HE loves you! HE is with you! People all over the world is praying for you and God is with you forever and  always. Be Strong! For God so loved the world that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life! I am with you and I love you. God loves you,too! Open your heart and welcome God into your life! In Jesus's name I pray! A MEN!

Note 2:

I want to tell you that my thesis is being spoke highly of and it will be published soon. Moreover, I've got a 1000 rmb scholarship. Everything is turning out well. So will your health. God is with you! You are such a strong man that I really admire you. You are my great grandpa!

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When the nurse was reading these notes to my grandpa, he kept nodding his head. I prayed at the same time. I really hope he can get to know Jesus and become a Christian! I comforted myself when I saw him nodding his head. What's more, the nurse came to me and told me that she will kept the notes and reread the notes sometime. That's out of my expectation! Because the notes cannot remain in the ICU! God you are so mighty!!!!

Besides, the nurse told us that my grandpa is able to eat liquid food, such as milk, fish soup, porridge etc.And his heart beats much normal than yesterday. Praise the lord! At least it's a good sign!

When I am home, my mom kept asking me what did I wrote to my grandpa. Thankfully, my parents are not so refusing God now. I pray to God that they can become Christians.

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A long report for the updates.

Thank you all for your prayers!

Thanks to our great God!!

I pray that God can continue working on my grandpa and turn him into a Christian! In addition, use me as HIS good servant! Give me more courage and wisdom when sending the gospel!

Joanna

I know God is greater!

One thing I forgot to mention is that, after my heading for the U.S.A, my mom went to the Buddhism temple and worshiped Buddhist to protect me with a save trip. However, when she do the 抽签(throwing signs), it was not a good sign, which means " I am not going to take care of it." She has done many times but there was still the same "bad" sign. When my mom told me that, she said:" No wonder! Because you have some other God take charge of you."

When I heard this, I think God is showing my mom that He is taking care of me instead of the false God!

Gonna continue to do my daily tasks now.
c u next time!

Dios Te Bendiga!

Day 1// 1.visiting my grandpa; 2. A talk with parents; 3. a christian relative passed away today.

Since I have limited access to the Internet, here are some updates of my mission that I sent to my host family, with no elimination.

1.       I went to see my grandpa yesterday afternoon. He is still in the ICU and we can only see him through a glass wall and we can only communicate with him by writing notes. He kept saying that he doesn’t feel well and he wants to move to the general ward/emergency room. During the visit, I tried my best not to weep but I failed, though hiding emotion is my specialty. Moreover, I brought a album to him, which contains my pictures as a volunteer and the American trip. He read it and I thought he might cried as well, for I saw him swept his eyes. We can't see his face though the glass wall.

In addition, my mom has asked the doctor and he told us that my grandpa can be moved to the general ward as long as we get the approval from the department of respiration, for my grandpa still needs something to assist him to breathe. Praise the Lord! I pray that my grandpa can recover soon, so that I can talk with him face to face and send him THE GOOD NEWS!

2.       Last night my father brought up the topic of Christianity, thankfully, it was in a kind way. Then my parents and I had a conversation about God. The progress is that, my mom accept the fact that I am a Christian and she said I can have my own belief, whereas, they will have theirs. I don’t know whether it is a good sign or not, but I believe God is watching all of these!

During the conversation, my father told me that one of his relatives is a Christian, and he was almost asked to be a Christian when he was as young as I am. But he went to college and put it aside. My mom also told a story about this relative, saying that in their family they still have Buddhism customs (I guess maybe because of other family members are not Christians) and some spiritual things happened---during one family member’s funeral, they used the Christian way as well as the Chinese way, then days after, another family member had a car accident, the victim said he saw it was the died family member drove him to the telegraph pole. Thus, my mom said that she thinks there are probably some spiritual things in this world, yet she is not sure and she doesn’t want to follow all the customs, in case of doing something wrong and upset the God (whatever God it is).

3.       Today the relative I mentioned above (the Christian my father knows) passed away. She was very sick (she is more than 90 years old) and my Mom decided to pay a visit to her. When she arrived, the relative has already gone to heaven. Since the elderly sister has helped my father a lot when he was a teenager, my parents decided to stay at her house for 1 more day. I don’t know whether it is a chance that God has given to us or not, maybe when they come back I can tell them that the lady is going to heaven? I don’t know…

God is almighty, I trust in him! 

9 days left…

Thank you ALL for caring and praying for me, it makes me feels that I am not alone.

Joanna

I am going home tmr, for a mission POSSIBLE.

Today is one of my great dear teachers' birthday and we had a great BBQ together. I will post more later about that. Since this is the first article of my blog, I want to record how amazing God is working in my life.

These are what I sent to a fellow sister: 

Finally I have made up my plan going home tmr at 1 p.m., by bus. My grandpa is still in the ICU and the doctor doesn't allow my parents to going into the room. Today My grandpa wrote a note saying that " Everyday is suffering". I can hear from my father's voice that my parents are sad, even though My mother kept reminding me to study and she doesn't want me to come home. Anyway, I don't want to regret and I think God is all mighty and I think God is calling me. In human eyes, even me as a christian I think everything is hard now but as the Bible says,

Jeremiah 32:27

²⁷ “I am the LORD, the God of all mankind. Is anything too hard for me? 

So that's it, I AM GOING HOME TOMORROW and that would be a 24 hours bus drive, I wish you can pray for me about my trip and praying that God can strengthen me. To be frank, I do not have the courage, I don't know what I am going to face.

God is with us.

Joanna

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and as I wrote in the email, I really don't know how can I make it and what am I gonna say. However, I need to remind myself that it is GOD who is taking charge of anything. No worry!

Okay, that's all about that, I need to head for my task now.

God bless me!!!!!